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YSunday, September 18, 2005
i'm not happy then people try to be so PERFECT. i know i'm not so i'm not afraid to admit my mistakes or say i'm sorry when i'm in the wrong but some people just daren't show what they are really like inside. i think i have a lot of friends, but there are only so few that i can say i know, or can talk to. i know that its hard to find trustworthy friends but come to think about it, i'm grateful that i have people like trixie shalini zi hui si hua and crystal jiahui sandra. over the past three years, i've made so many friends and lost quite a few of them (for i don't know what reasons) and i can say that i understand how it feels to lose a friend. this bothers me because maybe i just have a curse that prevents me from making true friends and causing people to hate me.
another thing that disturbs me is that a lot of people i know are so ' void of feelings'. i remember about one year ago when jialing passed away, no one seemed to care at all. even if you didn't know her, you'd still feel a tinge of sadness because she's in your school right. maybe its because i had some good memories with her, but everyone else just acted like little children who didn't have to worry about anything. i know this is the closest i've ever been to losing a loved one and somehow thinking back, i feel like i should cherish the ones around me more. life is just so hectic and what with studying for the prelims and o's and stuff, i've sort of lost contact with many people.
time passes so quickly. i received a message from melissa on thursday wishing all of us best of luck for the prelims and reminding us that in two months, it'd be the one year anniversary for our NCO camp. how i wish i was going again. it was so fun. but this post is supposed to be a sad one
i know i'm being very random but my mind isn't really functioning very well now and i'm just typing whatever comes into my mind. hmmph. i'm wondering about what i will be like in 5 years. will i become cynical ?? and hate life because nothing ever turns out the way i want it to be?? i really don't know what to think because no one knows what the future holds for us right
i'm just not happy. i'm not happy with the world and how everyone's criticizing weilian because he's not perfect. if i were him, i'd want to hold a press conference to tell everyone to get off my back and stop putting me down because no one is prefect. i'd point around randomly and say " you're too fat" "you're too skinny" "you have no boobs" "your boobs are too big" "your hair is too ugly" "you have a fat butt" . maybe people need to reminded that everyone has feelings.
today trixie and i went to study but we ended up talking the whole way through. something tells me i should be studying but some brain mechanism also tells me that i need to talk to let out all the things i'm unhappy with in life. bottling it all up will just make me feel more miserable. maybe now is a good time for me to have a nice cry and cheer myself up with an icecream but i still seem to be coughing so there goes the ice cream
anyway to end off with a sweet note i shall write about this show i just watched. it's SO SO SO cool. i know i'm still feeling sad but the show is just so sweet and cool i can't help feeling excited. haha. ok. this show is about a girl who is a dancer. you must understand that this is only the first episode so some things are still unclear. ok one day she was on her way to an audition for a part in some ballet performance when she saw this guy standing on the roof of a building. she thought he was going to commit suicide so she barged into the building and ran up to the roof and pulled him away from the ledge. well, this guy fell onto her and she hurt her leg but she still managed to make it to the audition and dance. this guy is color blind, and his specs broke when i fell down but he could see the girl clearly and to him she was in color. her leg was hurting but she managed to finish the routine. they all danced in a big group so that the judges could see who was outstanding. this girl seemed to enter her own world and when everyone finished, she just continued twirling on and on. the judges were so impressed by her performance but her leg suddenly hurt so badly she collapsed on the floor.
this girl has this good luck charm which is some silly otter keychain she calls da da. hmmm. she dropped it on the rooftop so after her audition she wanted to get it back. She saw the guy she helped 'save' just now but turns out that he's acually the boss of a big company. ah. this story is very long. ok so he suddenly see's this girl in color enter the building so he knows its her. he starts talking to her and she gave him da da because it brought him good luck in the merger with another company.
the next day her friend and her went to sign up for classes and on their way to another tuition centre, she got robbed. while chasing after the robber, she bumped into a guy who they met at the audition. the BOss guy happened to be in his car and saw her in color once again running so he follows her. the girl, convinced that this guy she met the day before was involved in the robbery, she starts screaming at him. only to be told by the boss who's called benson that the guy is something like his cousin and wouldn't rob. turns out both guys sort of like the girl. haha
well well. like two guys aren't enough, this girl has an older brother who actually isn't her real brother so he sort of falls in love with her too. wow. what a complicated love story. ok it doesn't end here but the rest is more complicated so i shall just stick to the love square part.
whee. i'm feeling better now. i think its so weird how i can be sad, happy, excited, lovey-dovey and confused all in one post. but some how i can. my sister is having her audition for miss amore tomorrow at bugis junction !! whoo i hope she gets through. if they don't let her through they must be blind because my sister is so pretty . heh heh .. i shall bring her a surprise tomorrow. hoho... X)