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YSaturday, December 31, 2005
and because sometimes i feel quite awkward and don't know what to say and don't really know how to react. i don't think i'll want to be in any touchy relationship soon. hmmm i've been in relationships before but maybe cos we were all younger and were all innocent and everything but now i realise i don't really want some guy touching me and putting his hand on my butt or putting his arm around my waist. not now anyway. or cos i'm just not the very touchy sort. hahas.
anyway. today had cell group meeting around derek's place. we had games and a bbq. was very very fun. its the last cg of 2005 although i've only been to 2 lar. hahas. i'm so happy that 2005 has been such an eventful year for me. its the year that i was touched by the Lord. He's brought a new meaning to my life. and God is a great God he'll help me through all the tough times and bless my life in melbourne. whoo i'm sort of excited to go there and yet i'm afraid .
2006 is going to be a new adventure. but while we make new friends and start a new chapter of our life, lets not forget old friends ok . even those that we don't really like. cos everyone you meet makes an impact on your life. yupp
so thats all. don't think i'll be updating tomorrow cos i'm going to malaysia for countdown think i'll be back on sunday so i don't know if i can still go out with janica elaine and trix. hahas and cheryl dearest is in derek's OG how lucky
YThursday, December 29, 2005
hmmm. 2005 was such a blast ! had so much fun. all the gays, the outings, elaine, trixie,janica,christiana. whoo. i'm so overwhelmed by feelings that i don't know how to type preoperly anymore.
i'm thinking through all the things i did this past year. and i'm also thinking of all the things i've did these past four years as a cedarian. all the lessons i've learnt, all the experiences i shared with people, all the camps, all the friends, all the band performances, all the practices, SYF, disappointment, hurt, frustration, stress.
and then there's all the things that happened to me. those that i would rather not have happened but have me to grow and mature as a better person nonetheless. there's also the scoldings, bitching, heartache.
well 2005 has been a very eventful year, syf left us with much disappointment again. and maybe it really affected me cos it felt like everything was my fault. sighs/ and then there was the much dreaded O-levels which are finally over and prom night which was quite a night to remember. i have yet to collect my glam shots. wow it was one of the most memorable nights ever because after that trixie, elaine, janica, christiana and i checked into mandarin hotel and we spent the night doing lame things and laughing. then at midnight we celebrated my birthday.
hmmm. these are just some of the most recent memories because they happened recently and are still fresh in my mind. sometimes i wish my brain had unlimited memory to store all the wonderful moments in my life so that when i'm fifty years old i'll still remember all the details and when i'm an old grandmother i'll be able to tell my grandchildren all my fascinating experiences as a secondary school student and they'll be so amazed and interested by my stories which i hope children of their generation will appreciate. or they could invent the pensieve thing like in harry potter so that i'll be able to look at any of my past experiences at will
heh although i know it'll never really happen unless i invent it !
anyway as yet another year of our life comes to an end and we prepare to start another chapter of our lives with the beginning of 2006, lets all write our new year resolutions. elaine's will be to do everything faster. but don't worry elaine ! i still love you !
ooh and everyone will be leaving to new schools too so don't ever forget each othr ok people ! and try not to put me out of your heart too soon. i know out of sight, out of mind. but remember to think of me once in a while cos i'll be lonely in melbourne without all my dearest darling friends.
to elaine janica and trixie, i'll write often. and you guys better update me on your scandalous affairs in singapore while i'll tell you of any funny guys in aussie k.
YFriday, December 23, 2005
aargh i don't know how to say it but i'll be blunt. i'm sorry the truth hurts. you're not at all as cool as you think you are. so wake up from your dreams, look in the mirror and go back to how you were before. i don't like people to change too much and sometimes thats a good thing so please don't harm yourself or the people around u
today went around passing presents to everyone. hmmm feeling super in the spirit of giving lar. but too bad i didn't meet up with mel and the others like fadhli so all their presents have to wait till i get back from genting.
i'm leaving tomorrow morning and coming back on monday i think. so will be spending christmas in the super crowded andkind of foggy genting highlands. lolx
YThursday, December 22, 2005
all the loud music banging away in your ears. and all the sweaty people rubbing against your body. gross lar .
was a great experience and it was great to go with pearl whoo. good thing we met cherilyn and her friends there so we weren't so lost. yupp and mega thanks and a big hug to my sister for bringing us there
YThursday, December 15, 2005
we went for a family photoshoot at jean yip today. was quite cool but the photographer was funny telling me to put my hands here and move my head there , just want to laugh lar. oh hoho. we put fake eyelashes and my dad looked so much younger. but no he didn't put the fake lashes like my god. he's a man lar. heh heh . we all looked so nice !! *grins
we came home and i was feeling super nice so i decided to cook dinner !! hahas i even went to buy the veggie cos tita is on holiday and the whole house is such a mess. yupps. anyway i cooked for the first time. feeling so accomplished !! whee. the fish tasted quite fishy and the steamed egg was quite hard but other than that it tasted especially yummy because i cooked it ! haha
anyway tomorrow is going to be another super fun day. i'm meeting alicia and valerie (who i can't really remember) and jaclyn !!! who's back from australia !!! WHOO.. exciting ! and in the evening we're having some mini christmas gathering thing.
and tomorrow's jiahui's birthday !!
happy birthday miss super lame !!
saturday we're going to celebrate
and monday we're going to ikea !
tuesday i'm going to watch pride and prejudice with pearl and after that go to chinablack
hahas.. such a busy schedule and i haven't even packed my room yet. i think sunday we'll go look at luggage. buy a nice one all for ME !!haha
YWednesday, December 14, 2005
anyway, the guide filled us with lots of history and stuff and we sat quite a few boats at the different rivers
on coming back, we stopped for two days in bangkok and we stayed at the bangkok centre hotel. yeesh. my sister and i got bitten by bed bugs and have like red patches on us. so i look like a freak now. sighs and tomorrow we're going to take a family photo, hope they can cover the patches up or they will disappear tomorrow !!
aaah. trixie is on holiday too. come back soon !!
oh and i think its retribution. i always call people poks and now i have poks on my arms !! eek
feels weird to be typing all of a sudden hahas.
YSunday, December 04, 2005
i got scratched by pok's dog today when i went to pass him money. grrr. two scratch marks. but his dogs are sOOOOO CUTE !! whee. so jealous i don't have a dog at home and he has THREE !. oh well. bbye people i'm off to pack !
how is it that someone does things to make u like him. yet u can't be with him for some silly reason. and your good friend now tells you he sort of has feelings for you. somehow everyone's in one big mess. theres so many thoughts in my head that i can't pen down. my heart is like all over the place. aah. i just don't want to get my feelings hurt. so i hope people won't tell me things they don't mean. don't tell me u miss me if you don't and don't tell me things that you shouldn't be telling me. i don't want to be cheated. i don't want my heart broken but i'm a girl and the inevitable will always happen. i have a fragile heart too and as strong as i'd like to be, i'm vulnerable too. my heart can't take too many things at one time.
oh well. today i went to church for the first time. at city harvest. it was cool. like one big concert. hmmm. somewhere along the way. i felt something. somewhere where the woman was giving her testimony and how i connected to it. and somewhere along where the pastor was talking and i felt like i could relate to stuff. not everything but some stuff. sighs. i went to eat supper with shahir and reached home late. just didn't feel like going home yet. just wanted to prevent myself from having to think about stuff. thinking about how screwed up my lfe is. i know its not what life wants from me but what i want from life and i just feel like my whole life is one big trial. all the time . one after another
i always feel so carefree when i'm out. even if i'm alone. but once i'm at home, lying between the sheets going to bed. everything creeps up on me and my nights are filled with all my troubles. most people don't know it. yeesh. feeling damn shit now. so many things happening at the same time. hmmm
i came home and was telling my parents about my experience and how i suddenly felt like a part of me was being slowly filled up. how i just felt a great love for me. but as usual my parents are like weird. i thought my mom would be supportive cos she converted to be a christian. but she was in like another of her crazy angry moods and just didn't say anything. and like my dad was just being a nag again. why can't my parents just understand that i don't need all their rubbish and their views. why can't they just let me choose for myself. why can't they just try to understand what i'm going through. they think they know whats best but maybe they don't. sighs again. why can't they stay quiet and let me think about things. when i'm ready to hear what they have to say i'll ask.
everytime i have a problem, i want to tell them yet i know the ending will always be the same. like i don't see a point in telling them but their my parents and i just want to share my life with them.
sighs. don't want to think about anything. just want to go sleep. dream a nice dream of me as a princess in a palace and glass slippers and a horse drawn carriage. lolx
boo. in a perfect world. this won't be happening. in my perfect world, everyone would be perfect. whoo.
kk. nitex. i'll be fine again after a nice long cry. whoo. tomorrow is a brighter day ! the sun will be shining ! don't any one worry about me ! i'll be happy tomorrow !
YFriday, December 02, 2005
i'm leaving to study in australia on the 12th of february next year
trix and i went to kbox and we sang so many songs. all were like so cute. and there's this mtv with a super cute guy !! aah. so in love already. casn't take it anymore. i just want to keep watching it over and over
at night u treated her to dinner at this place in marina square called AC and then we ate ice cream at ANDERSON'S ! wow i'm so super full.
marina square is so super different from last time. its like so nice and new and clean and shiny now ! wow
YThursday, December 01, 2005
boo. i know i'll be fine after a long cry. hah. . and i'm broke !! aah. what to do ??
i feel so damn random now. feel like going to see the stars. aargh.
anyway, went to watch movies today. fred and i. we watched rock school which sucked and then we went to watch saw 2 which was cool yet scary. yeesh haven't watched a horror movie in a long time. probably going to watch emily rose tomorrow i think. trixie and me and more cheap thrills ?? i think i get changed by all the small things that happen to me. not that i want them to. but what can i do ???
the nco chalet's over. leaders we all are yet you see differences. i hsd lots of fun ! went night cycling, sat at the kelong with susu, wanting, shahir, saiful and ihsan and talked till two ? was super cool and the night view was awesome.
day 2. i went to school for band farewell which was super cool they played don't know what pride song for the opening act. i got a le coq sportif sling bag for my birthday ftom my section and a hokie pokie ernie as a farewell gift. its super cute though he can't turn one complete round. haha.
sometimes i question people's actions. hmm. bringing your bf to what ?? show off ??
i'm so sick of satay. imagine not eting dinner except for tonnes of satay. lolx
ah. i'm like not typing sense here and my fingers are feeling weird. but w\my room's a mess !!! *screms in frustration. hmmm. i wish i could just snap my fingers and everything would go back to place. hahas.
time plays tricks with me. nothing ever happens at the right time. i want to control my time.