Beautiful Disaster.

hello people ! i'm all well and quite settled in melbourne. my address is 57-65 Drummond street Carlton, VIC3053 yupps so feel free to send me letters ok and i'll try to send u guys letters too. i got a melbourne number already. its a prepaid card.

i arriced at 7 am in melbourne which is 3hrs ahead of u guys. it was a monday and i did something silly on the plane. i sat at the wrong seat. i sat at 58 instead of 57 and i happened to sit on michael's seat so in the end he sat with rachel and i sat with chris. haha

its like 1:51 in the morning now. and there's four of us in one room using the internet cos its unlimited till the 20th but next time it'll be limited so you pay to use the excess. hahas

was feeling really lonely on the first day here although daddy was with me. because i felt so lost and some people already came earlier and knew each other already. but today is my second day or rather third. so i'm feeling much better. God has answered my prayers . heh

there's four of us. stephanie,sharleen, cheryl and i who went out today, we went to get our prepaid card except steph already got hers since she arrived last friday. heh it was fun . the four of us walked to the big w and safeway to get stuff i forgot to buy yesterday although i got most of the things with the guys yesterday

thank u all a lot a lot for coming down to send me off. i really appreciate it people ! i'm sorry a lot of people turned up and i didn't really get to say bye to everyone properly but i'll keep everyone in my prayers to be safe.

i read the letters in the plane in the privacy cos everyone was sleeping excpet me. heh although i didn't get to bring everything away especially the photo album which the cedarians wrote for me

love u all ! i'll update as much as i can and put up the photos ! yupp. stuff in melbourne are so expensive. like i had to pay about 8 plus aussie for my brush . nitez people its 2AM HERE !

shoE was here with you at 10:42 PM .

Praise the Lord ! i got 7 points for my L1R5. i'm so happy and i now can heave a sigh of relief that all the times that we spent studying in macs with the horrible breakfast and eating yakun breakfast at united square and me and zihui being late on alternate days. she'd be late when i was early and i'd be late and she'd be early. ironic isn't it ? and the times we spent in starbucks and the cold aircon. and the people we see there. and the first time we went and wanted to play board games lolx

fond memories....

well here's my results::--

english :1

ss/g :1

maths :1

a.maths :1

physics :2

chemistry :2

biology :2

chinese :1

chinese oral-distinction

i'm just so happy i want to stay awake the whole night and have lots of fun ! whee. shout out to the sea all my happiness and relief

people are saying that its such a waste i got 7 points and i'm still going to melbourne but my parents already paid everything and i am leaving on sunday. like TOMORROW... its sinking in.

that its GOODBYE PEOPLE !

yupp to people who didn't do as well, just be contented. we can't change whats already done and printed. all we can do is to make the best decisions we can and do the best of everything.

melissa, yiangshan,fadhli and libing came over to my house today. fad and mel helped me to pack my stuff. yay ! helped me end my suffering although i still have a bit to pack

and n20 came over for a mini farewell for me. gave me this pretty pink rose and a very nice customised cup of n20. yupps and they prepared this really sweet video thing which was very touching. was fighting to hold back the tears. boo

love everyone lots. i'm so HAPPY ! i love the HOLY SPIRIT for blessing.

i sing a love song for you LORD

everyday and every night

tell of your goodness and mercy

tell the world how you rescued me

picked me up from sin and shame your breath gives me new life

shoE was here with you at 3:12 AM .

sometimes i think i'm very unfeeling. or maybe words trigger my emotions and i can't really force myself to be sad or anything.

however i can feel disappointment in myself cos everyone has expectations of themselves

i'm thinking if i'll be able to wake up in australia or will i just be a pig and continue sleeping. maybe jiahao is right that i'm a pig. boo.

the time is drawing ever nearer . today's thursday. and till sunday is only 3 days

i don't know what to say, how to express how i feel

all the mixed up emotions and i'm afraid they will burst out on the day i leave when i really say goodbye to evrything to everything that really mattered to me. everything that i treasure and love. the food, the places, the familiar faces.

blah. not feeling in the mood to blog. shall update soon !

shoE was here with you at 12:18 PM .

lets see. today i watched a video in someone's house and i really realised we shouldn't judge books by their covers. because..... i used to sort of have an image of what people are like on the first. after awhile i think my first impression of them is wrong but in the end my first impression is usually more correct and accurate than after getting to know them for awhile. i know it sounds confusing but well. things can just be so unexpected. like you'd never thing person A would be like this but turns out he/she is. and you expected person B to be another way but he/she doesn't turn out to be that way. thats just life just, always playing tricks on us and making us guess about each other

another revelation i got is that i sometimes like to stereotype or think that i know people well. it works with some people cos they will react in a conventional way. and i know how people will react because i watch lots of shows. or i used to. and i read books. yupps. and it turns out that people might not react in the way i think they will and then i feel strange because i think they are weird. heh

i think God is really very wonderful. he's brought so many revelations to me within such a short period about myself. thank you Heavenly Father for changing my life with your love and making me a better person

another thing i realised is that i like to talk about myself. or i like everything to be about ME. and i want to be everyone's best friend. haha. i know its impossible . hmmms i know that you should love yourself and everything and be proud of yourself and have confidence and stuff. but probably not in this sort of stuff. hahas. but i'm slowly changing now, i think whats more important is having a few friends who will stay by you and share their problems and help with yours in times of need rain or shine good times or bad.

friends come and go but family will always be there for you. no one else will welcome you with open your arms regardless of any wrong things you've done. no one else will forgive you as willingly as family because if they don't then who will. at least now that i think back on it and i think i don't have enough faith in my friends, i've always had faith in my family.

despite them being weird sometimes. and i used to think no one cared about me until recently like within the last year. cos my mom was saved by the Lord and then she realised that she shouldn't neglect her family.sherealised that she'd been comparingME TO my sister all my life and she was never satisfied with whatever i did until she started to look at the good points i have which my sister doesn't. Then she started to appreciate me for who i am as a person and she started to realise that i've matured and am not the little kid i once was. sometimes i think it takes lots of courage to post such personal stuff online but then i just read a personal testimony on my cell group mate's blog and now i'm just going to write this here so that anyone feeling hurt inside can hear my story and know how i grew from it. or at least they'll be grateful that someone felt just as they feel

blah. my mother saw past the grades that i got that were not as fantastic as my sister's who got into a top school and did well and everything and she saw that i was a friendly and sociable person who could lead and influence people. yupp and i guess my mother still doesn't know me very well but at least its a start.

now i just want to thank the Lord for blessing me with such a wonderful family and although my mom only started appreciating me and my sister started really getting to know me within the last year, at least i have SOMETHING. some of my friends have broken families, they hate their siblings, financial difficulties and my heart really goes out to them and its only when i really start to think about how i'm going to miss my family that i want to thank them so much. and i want to thank God so much.

i'm not saying that friends aren't important because they are. and i'm going to miss them all equally much. but then my family will ultimately be the one who'll support me through the tough times.

maybe cos as i've said, i didn't have enough courage to belive that i'd be a good friend, so i didn't have enough courage to believe that other people would be my good friend and wouldn't forget about me that i daren't REALLY open up to people. i don't mind telling people about my life because (what can i say) i like to talk about myself hahas. cos maybe i always thought that no one loved me so i had to love MYSELF to make up for all the lost love. haha but now i've found the greatest love and thats from God who's slowly changing me. and i know i'm talking a lot about God the Mighty One here but its only because i'm so grateful that he knocked on the door of my heart and i opened to let Him in.

yupp so i didn't really make an effort to get TO KNOW people THAT WELL. because i felt A BIT inferior in many ways- like thinking they had a better family, or were prettier.

i feel like i'm not thinking or typing coherently here. hahas

well. now that i've learnt so many things about myself. i can use this opportunity of going to Melbourne to start anew and grow in God's love and just be able to transform into the kind of person i want to be.

God's love for me has given me hope. and now i can live a more meaningful life where i will be happier and can have better relations with the people around me instead of just KNOWING WHO THEY ARE

shoE was here with you at 1:01 AM .

sighs i don't know how to start this. just feeling veryy crappy today. dad disallowed me from going to cell group and threatened not to talk to me if i continued going. blah. sometimes i love my parents too much but sometimes i don't understand their actions.

was feeling shitty the whole day. anyway we went to yee hsu's house and i played the whole round of mahjong except i stopped awhile to watch a bollywood film which was very funny and i didn't finish watching it.

we celebrated thu's birthday with an ice cream cake and her present which was a shirt i presume.

so in the end i didn't go for cell group. so i stayed at yee hsu's house longer then we went for dinner together. and after that geok hian, jermyn, ivan, chuanyang and i went to play pool. and the place closed at 930 so we had to leave. well well had to make my way home. and my parents were being weird again. they just want to keep nagging me to pack my stuff. but they don't want me to buy things i need. aargh don't understand them lar.

i just feel like throwing stuff !

well my og gave me this very sweet card and a jigsaw puzzle of a callage of the photos of our og. really appreciate it !! cos its very nice. i'll bring it over to aus and take it out and look at it whenever i feel sad or lonely.

i'm really worrying what life will be like there. and i know that i will never be lonely cos God almighty will be there to guide me and give me strength . but somehow there are just mixed feelings in me. sighs

too little time and too many people to meet. grrr.

shoE was here with you at 11:29 PM .

ho hums. today was my last day in sajc. its pretty sad lar. i mean i don't know what feelings i was supposed to have cos i'm sad yet i don't want things to get to emotional. and i'm hoping to be able to see ROJAK gang before i leave as well as my OG so we can leave the tears and goodbyes in a more private and small manner rather than in the middle of the cafe.

oh this is so exciting ! we went to KBOX again !! whoopie. got to sing for a LONG LONG TIME. despite the non-student rates, we managed to enjoy ourselves HEAPS and LOADS. and trix and i ordered the most expensive drinks lolx. mine tasted strongly of detergent so i'm never drinking it again although normally it would cost ten dollars lolx. oh well

i realised something else about myself today. was talking to trixie about something lar. some friendship stuff. then i realised that maybe my previous weird friendship stuffs scarred me. i never heard before of friendships scarring people only of relationhips. anyway, thats not the point. the thing is that i realised i don't have anough faith in my friends and maybe all the while its cos i daren't believe that my friends would be there for me in times of need thats why i was constantly seeking new friends and while i used to think i was a real good friend maybe i just didn't trust myself enough.

like i never felt i had anyone to confide in until i was saved by God and i found out how much He loved me and that i could share my problems with him and he's make them all right. but now i think i need to start anew and just trust in people and friends because good friends are friends from the heart and will always be joint by a strong bond. and you don't have to hang the words "best friends" or "good friends" or "cliques" around your mouth all the time to prove that you are good friends. ever since i accepted Jesus into my heart. He's helped me to see my flaws and helps me to change myself to be a better person. to face up to reality and not run away from matters

people always calling me a social butterfly got me thinking about stuff and now i know the root cause of things. in a way its a good thing to know lots of friends and its also a bad thing because you try to be close to everyone but its quite mpossible.

i think from now onwards i will be the one to make the initiative to maintain a strong friendship and its going to be even more difficult now that i'm leaving. so... life is jst going to get better from now on !

shoE was here with you at 10:43 PM .