YMonday, February 06, 2006
another revelation i got is that i sometimes like to stereotype or think that i know people well. it works with some people cos they will react in a conventional way. and i know how people will react because i watch lots of shows. or i used to. and i read books. yupps. and it turns out that people might not react in the way i think they will and then i feel strange because i think they are weird. heh i think God is really very wonderful. he's brought so many revelations to me within such a short period about myself. thank you Heavenly Father for changing my life with your love and making me a better person another thing i realised is that i like to talk about myself. or i like everything to be about ME. and i want to be everyone's best friend. haha. i know its impossible . hmmms i know that you should love yourself and everything and be proud of yourself and have confidence and stuff. but probably not in this sort of stuff. hahas. but i'm slowly changing now, i think whats more important is having a few friends who will stay by you and share their problems and help with yours in times of need rain or shine good times or bad. friends come and go but family will always be there for you. no one else will welcome you with open your arms regardless of any wrong things you've done. no one else will forgive you as willingly as family because if they don't then who will. at least now that i think back on it and i think i don't have enough faith in my friends, i've always had faith in my family. despite them being weird sometimes. and i used to think no one cared about me until recently like within the last year. cos my mom was saved by the Lord and then she realised that she shouldn't neglect her family.sherealised that she'd been comparingME TO my sister all my life and she was never satisfied with whatever i did until she started to look at the good points i have which my sister doesn't. Then she started to appreciate me for who i am as a person and she started to realise that i've matured and am not the little kid i once was. sometimes i think it takes lots of courage to post such personal stuff online but then i just read a personal testimony on my cell group mate's blog and now i'm just going to write this here so that anyone feeling hurt inside can hear my story and know how i grew from it. or at least they'll be grateful that someone felt just as they feel blah. my mother saw past the grades that i got that were not as fantastic as my sister's who got into a top school and did well and everything and she saw that i was a friendly and sociable person who could lead and influence people. yupp and i guess my mother still doesn't know me very well but at least its a start. now i just want to thank the Lord for blessing me with such a wonderful family and although my mom only started appreciating me and my sister started really getting to know me within the last year, at least i have SOMETHING. some of my friends have broken families, they hate their siblings, financial difficulties and my heart really goes out to them and its only when i really start to think about how i'm going to miss my family that i want to thank them so much. and i want to thank God so much. i'm not saying that friends aren't important because they are. and i'm going to miss them all equally much. but then my family will ultimately be the one who'll support me through the tough times. maybe cos as i've said, i didn't have enough courage to belive that i'd be a good friend, so i didn't have enough courage to believe that other people would be my good friend and wouldn't forget about me that i daren't REALLY open up to people. i don't mind telling people about my life because (what can i say) i like to talk about myself hahas. cos maybe i always thought that no one loved me so i had to love MYSELF to make up for all the lost love. haha but now i've found the greatest love and thats from God who's slowly changing me. and i know i'm talking a lot about God the Mighty One here but its only because i'm so grateful that he knocked on the door of my heart and i opened to let Him in. yupp so i didn't really make an effort to get TO KNOW people THAT WELL. because i felt A BIT inferior in many ways- like thinking they had a better family, or were prettier. i feel like i'm not thinking or typing coherently here. hahas well. now that i've learnt so many things about myself. i can use this opportunity of going to Melbourne to start anew and grow in God's love and just be able to transform into the kind of person i want to be. God's love for me has given me hope. and now i can live a more meaningful life where i will be happier and can have better relations with the people around me instead of just KNOWING WHO THEY ARE
lets see. today i watched a video in someone's house and i really realised we shouldn't judge books by their covers. because..... i used to sort of have an image of what people are like on the first. after awhile i think my first impression of them is wrong but in the end my first impression is usually more correct and accurate than after getting to know them for awhile. i know it sounds confusing but well. things can just be so unexpected. like you'd never thing person A would be like this but turns out he/she is. and you expected person B to be another way but he/she doesn't turn out to be that way. thats just life just, always playing tricks on us and making us guess about each other
shoE was here with you at