YMonday, April 24, 2006
just got back from some workshop for student committee. i'm wondering if i still want to join. we played the game where we have to build the tallest tower. i always hated the game cos i can never figure out how to actually build a tall one. and it seems like everyone can come up with good ideas. aiyaii. suddenly i understand what they mean by the cold weather makes people feel really terrible. lonely inside even. i never thought that i would feel it. but the coldness really makes me feel sad. i seem to be attracting all these sad feelings to myself like a magnet. i thought that as long as i had God, then i'd be ok. i'd be able to cope. in the beginning, i was very happy and i actually really like the freedom and all. the ability to do whatever i want and the satisfaction of managing my time well, having fun,doing my work. maybe its just today. like the other time when i felt really lonely inside .. then i prayed to my almight God and then things got better. maybe i really am the kind of person that needs assurance from people that they will be my friends no matter what. and i'm trying my best to get rid of that stupid feeling. i don't even know how it started in the first place. i guess things would be the same even if i stayed in Singapore. even with so many friends that care for me, i never felt satisfied. and yet now when i have good friends that i trust and spend time with, i still get a bit jittery. i get uneasy. i know i shouldn't have this feeling. i don't seem to be typing sense. maybe typing while listening to music distracts me and i can't think properly. i don't want to be weak. i don't want to cry. i want to be happy all the time. but then, no matter how happy i am i know there will be times when i can't help but breakdown right. its impossible to have no worries in the world i realised. no one can be so happy 100% of the time. i know after i cry i'll be fine again. its almost as though i'm surrounded by so many people but there's no one to talk to. or i'm one of the people that feel weird when u walk next to someone and not talk to the person. i feel like i've been typing a lot of broken sentences in this post. but its nonsense anyway.hah. having a blog really makes me feel better cos i can rant out all my feelings and not many people read anyway so its good. songs playing:jessica simpson-
the time in singapore is 5.55 now and its 7.55 in melbourne. why is the number so nice today ??
betcha she don't love you
whats it gonna be
shoE was here with you at