YThursday, November 23, 2006
married or SINGLE ??
If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married,
share it with your spouse or other married couples and reflect on it.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a
commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,
pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning
signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change
someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.
Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If
you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've
got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.
You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual
children of God who have decided to share a life together.
Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you
bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with
each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to
the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or
her.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop
self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself
making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your
pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not
the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship!
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a
relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy,
trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time
without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity,
a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or
send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.
Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each
other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have
outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of
belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another.
Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents
regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember
for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship
will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain
replace the passion.
The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i.
shoE was here with you at